Good Fathers Listen

 By Colly Caldwell

   “You fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).

   I have been thinking about the years when my children were growing up and how I made so many mistakes. Of course, I love them dearly and always have since the first time I looked into their faces as babies. But I suppose the mistakes I made which I remember the most are ones when I was not really taking into account their perspective. I often needed to see things more from their point of view.

   Now there are times when a child’s point of view is immature and irresponsible. Paul once said that there was a time when he spoke, understood, and thought as a child; but when he became a man, he put away childish things (1 Cor. 13:11). That was necessary to growing up and accepting the obligations of life. God knows that “every-one who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil” (Heb. 5:13-14). But even so, a good father tries to understand how his children feel  and why they think as they do. Then if the child’s thinking needs tweaking, he can do that and help the child to mature. If he needs to make his decision in a way that will positively enhance the child’s life and happiness rather than planting seeds of resentment and anger, he can do that too.

   I wonder if I were thinking like Sherri or Chuck at age five or eight or fifteen, what I might come up with. Dads, what might your child say? At different stages in their growth, it might go something like this:

    Dad, my hands are small. I cannot throw the ball very good. I cannot make up my bed like Momma does. I cannot write my letters perfect. But I don’t want to disappoint you.

   Dad, I want to help but I don’t always know how to do it like you do. Please be patient with me. And please don’t do it over for me.

   Dad, I want to keep up with you when we go out but my legs are short. Please slow down a little.

   Dad, I have not seen the world as you have and I need to explore some things. Please take time to show me the things I need to see. And could you help me to know what I can look into safely on my own without restricting me unnecessarily.

   Dad, my feelings are tender. Please be sensitive to how I may feel when you correct me or when you think I should have already completed what you told me to do.

   Dad, please help me to learn to be responsible. Give me guidelines to live by. And hold me accountable with proper discipline so I can grow up to be as good as you and Mom.

   Dad, I need your encouragement. Please correct what I do without making me feel that I cannot do anything right. Please help me to feel that I can do it and that I am special to you.

   Dad, please give me the freedom to make some decisions for myself. I know I will not make the best decisions sometimes. But if I make mistakes, help me to learn from them.

   Dad, please don’t be afraid to show us you love Mom. And don’t be afraid we will get hurt if you leave us with Grandma and spend some special time with Mom. We need to know you love each other.

   Dad, please don’t drink and smoke and take too many pills. We need you to be here for us and not be sick.

   Dad, please go to church with us. And, Dad, please be a Christian. We need for you to show us how to serve God.

   Well, your child might say it differently, but I can guarantee most children in their hearts truly want this from Dad. And most will appreciate the example of a good Father who responds to these needs out of his love for them.